I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
