Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
