just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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