I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
