Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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