so that wasnt chicken after all
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
