Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
