Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
