Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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