Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
