she woke up with a sticky ear
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
