Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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