Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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