My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
