oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
