Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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