My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
