hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
