i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
