I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
