Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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