Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
