i may or may not be watching the land before time
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
