it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
