The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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