She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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