My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
