He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
