It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
