Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
