Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize