at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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