I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
