I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
one might say we're banned from that church
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
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My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
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I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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