i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
