i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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