I think I died a long time ago.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize
