Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
