Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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