I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize