Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i think my cat just said my name.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
