That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
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Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
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My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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