I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
