I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
