is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
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When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
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How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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