I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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