His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I met the friendliest cop last night
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
