She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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