turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Randomize
