I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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