the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
