So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She's the barista slut.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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