I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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