in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
