my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
