so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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