Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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