and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
