WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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