I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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