he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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