Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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