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he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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