Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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