when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
