actually, I'm a sock model
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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