hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
