On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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