return my video game
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
