I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
